 "Photo: Bryan Young | Daily Trojan")
One can only imagine what justifications women who marry politicians use as they walk down the aisle. Their thoughts probably run along the lines of "My husband might lie to his constituents, but they won't lie to me," or "I'm sure that the gay porn I found under the seat of his car was just a fluke. He probably really did think it was a magazine about men in the military."
There is plenty of evidence suggesting that marrying a politician would be a bad life choice. Not only would be your husband in a profession notorious for manipulation, evasion and deception, but you would be dooming yourself to a lifetime of conservative dress suits, boring haircuts and, if your husband makes it far enough - redecorating the Lincoln Sitting Room.
This is not to say that every politician's wife is merely her husband's arm candy - plenty of them take active roles on or off the campaign trail.
Even so, the most celebrated contribution made by wannabe first ladies is to partake in a cookie-baking contest sponsored by Family Circle magazine. And, last election, Laura Bush's oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies beat out Theresa Heinz Kerry's pumpkin spice cookies - making Mrs. Bush the fourth incumbent to become the Cookie Cook-off champ.
While first ladies are not forced to market their skills as domestic goddesses along with their husband's domestic policies, they certainly appear as if they choose or are manipulated to become those trophy wives who stand by their philandering husbands every time they solicit sex in airport restrooms or call the local brothels.
It all started when Hillary Clinton stood by her man as he told the nation that he "did not have sexual relations with that woman."
Hillary Clinton even told NBC's "The Today Show" that the Lewinsky scandal was in fact a "vast right-wing conspiracy" that had been planned since Bill Clinton's election. But one semen-stained dress later, Hillary was still married to the president, dreaming of simpler times when the only thing Kenneth Starr was investigating her husband for was questionable real estate dealings.
Thanks to a recent spate of scandals involving Republican politicians, we now have a new generation and party of wives on the front page of the papers.
Recently Suzanne Thompson learned that her husband, Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho), had solicited sex from an undercover police officer in an airport bathroom. Ironically, her husband had been critical of Bill Clinton during the Lewinsky scandal, telling the Tim Russert that Clinton is a "nasty, bad, naughty boy."
Oh, Suzanne! If only you had read the signs.
Beth Allen probably had a similar turn when she discovered, along with CNN, that her husband, Bob Allen, a Florida state representative, had offered an undercover policeman $20 for the privilege of performing oral sex on the officer.
Both Suzanne and Beth watched with impassive faces as their husbands assured the country, and themselves, that they were not gay.
Craig, for his part, insisted that the reason his foot touched the foot of the undercover officer in the adjacent stall was because his "wide stance when going to the bathroom."
As if watching him defend his sex life wasn't enough, Suzanne had to watch as her husband divulged his toilet habits.
Wendy Vitter, however, had the most disappointing reaction to her husband's extramarital relationship. When a Washington, D.C., madam published a list of phone numbers made to her brothel, Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) admitted that he had visited the Washington, D.C., bordello several times in years past. Rumors swirled that he had requested to wear a diaper.
In a 2000 interview, Wendy Vitter said, "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he [Vitter] does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."
But as Sen. Vitter apologized to the country for his conduct, Wendy stood behind him, looking distressed, but not in such a way as would indicate she was going to cut off his manhood with a kitchen knife.
Wendy Vitter, like Suzanne Thompson and Beth Allen, remained dignified even as her personal life exploded like a marshmallow in the microwave on national television.
But all of these women deserve to be undignified. No, they probably shouldn't sever the family jewels (that would be a tad unfair), but they shouldn't be patting their husbands on the back either. These dishonest husbands don't deserve that kind of support.
- Laura Reeve is a sophomore majoring in communication. Her column, "Folk Laur," runs Wednesdays.
